Can I accept where I am at right now?
Am I willing to say “I created this situation?”
How fully can I forgive myself?
My body is ill with gunk in my chest. It moved from a sore throat after a moving talking circle ceremony on Monday.
I admitted my guilt of not being mother enough. I had my son at 19, and have pretty much raised him alone even when I had a partner. And now that he is almost 16, I am thinking about how wonderful it will be to get my own life back. To be able to make choices of what I want to do, independent of what my family needs. It is selfish. It is a deep darkness in me that got pulled to the light with hot, painful tears.
And it is not a coincidence that I’m quietly laying in bed now.
There are many choices to be made.
And the universe is physically is putting me in a time out for contemplation.
But I am committed to taking one expressive baby step towards healing and forgiveness for myself.
What baby step are you willing to take today?
In love and forgiveness,
-Jaime Abalone Woman